2 Steps Forward, 1 Step Back

IMG_6256I’ll start off with a picture.  This is a picture of the wall I look at when I’m sat at my desk trying to write things for my PhD or if i’m making things at my desk.  I don’t ‘do’ photos or people around the house or in frames, so it is all condensed to this one wall in the spare room where only I come.  It’s a little collection of all the ‘loved’ ones I have or had in my life, mum and dad, grandpa and granny, Tim, the dogs and other things like a Russian Beatles Yellow Submarine picture given to me by a boy (Tim Fox) at school who shared the same birthday as me (he’s actually in a really cool band now) and a Joe Cool patch that came from my mum’s sewing box ( I love Snoopy).  All stuff that reminds me of things.

I’ve sat here today having received my report back with a few big changes I have to make.  It feels so hard to try to write what I’m supposed to say as I’ve ‘written’ all my life, letters, diaries, stories etc: But trying to write for this PhD seems so hard and frustrating.  It’s annoying the way academia strips the enjoyment out of things that you love.  Making has always been my first and foremost favourite thing.  Always wanting to try new things (at the moment, rug making, candle making, using a lathe, sewing a bag and making some shoes are all on the to do list).  But when framed in an academic context and having to do it for something rather than myself seems to take away the pleasure in the doing.

My supervisor has been great and I’ve probably had way more support than I should have had.  He sent my report back this morning with changes and we spoke on the phone about what I need to do, I just find it very hard.  It’s an odd time of year too as academic skills tutors and other staff aren’t about to ask so I feel a little bit like I’m struggling through this with not much clue as what should be…As much as I am told, I just can’t seem to frame it right.

Right so now for the onwards and upwards bit…I am going to first print my report out so I can see it in front of me.  I’m going to take it to the coffee shop and read through and scribble all over it and try to make some sense as I find this easier on paper.  I’ve downloaded an Ebook called Visualising research, but I think I need to get the real one out of the library tomorrow so I will do that then.

This afternoon I’m going to focus on the literature review re-framing.
OK just needed to get that out. I’m sure this is what happens with the highs and lows of the PhD process and I’m sure i’m not the only one and I’m also sure that this is not the most important thing in my life…it’s the people in pictures on the wall 🙂

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